Below are the most recent 9 friends' journal entries.

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
____parkdale	9:21p	they're gonna eat me alive, if I stumble I am going to try to write in here more often. That's a goal I want to set for myself. I remember when writing in my journal actually meant something to me. And, yeah, years later I reread the entries and thought "wow, how lame was I?" but...at the very least, I could look back and actually see where my mind was at that point in time. part of why I feel the way I do is because I am spending way less time actually thinking about things. and, on top of that...I feel all of these emotions and have no way of channeling them sometimes. and, I actually write entries more often that what it'd seem. I usually just get frustrated with how pitiful they sound and delete them. which is a shame. today I spent quite a bit of time at St. Louis Bread Co. stealing their internet. I did, however, buy food from them, too. I'm not sure what it is about surfing the internet in public, but it makes me feel like I'm actually "doing" something...rather than just wasting away my life. I guess it's because I can actually see other people wasting away their life as well. facebook, twitter... the boy I was seeing is no more. It's been pretty much done with for awhile...but, it's definitely done now. He and I have been "talking" (and I use that loosely) since around feb, when he asked me on a date for Valentine's Day, but didn't actually hangout 'til April. things were going okay for awhile. it was never gonna be anything serious. we're two different people. completely different. He did ask me to be his gf, but I think it had more to do with control and seizing a good oppurtunity than actual interest. but, that's done...he got upset with me because I was seeing other people, basically. I could kind of tell he thought I was totally wrapped up in his bullshit, sitting by the phone waiting for him to call...and, I guess he didn't like realizing that I wasn't that concerned with him. Fuck that. this dating bullshit is frustrating. on one hand, I prefer it to being in a relationship; I like being able to say/do whatever I want. on the other hand, having to deal with people's games and insecurities is bullshit. And, I realize, I did the same shit when I was younger...but, I would hope that by mid20's people could get over themselves and stop with the games. I am not the most open person, but I know that when I am involved with another person...I do my best of giving as much of myself as I can. I've been told I give too much, and that games are neccessary in order to maintain a relationship. and, if that's true...I don't fucking want it. one of the best sabout liking someone is not knowing. it's taken me a long time to get to this point (and any of my old friends, I'm sure, would tell you the same) but I like the uncertainty of truly liking someone and not knowing whether that feeling will be reciprocated. and it's even better when the feeling is mutual. I will not involve myself with another person unless I am completely 100% okay with the possibility of getting hurt. I'd just like to meet an honest dude who isn't on some bullshit level or playing some bullshit game. I suppose I am just frustrated. me and the dog are sitting outside. he is chasing bugs, and I am internet surfing. tomorrow he has a vet appointment for his eye. It went away for a couple days, so I opted not to take him to the vet...but then it came back. hopefully we can get him in surgery soon. poor pup. Current Music: metric - help, I'm alive (Comment on this)
Monday, July 13th, 2009
__purple_sky__	5:04p	17! 17 IS HERE! I HAD TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY OUT TO HUDSON TO GET HIM BUT IT WAS WORTH IT CAUSE I LOVE HIM AND HE'S SO DAMN ADORABLE! So yeah for some reason the post office screwed up and sent my package to Hudson. Which is about half an hour away from my house. So after calling the Hudson post office [online it said that they were going to send him back to Colorado] to make sure that I could go pick him up [and not have to wait forever for him to be shipped again] Ruu and I hopped in Jumbie and headed off to Hudson. And now he's here and adorable and I'll post pictures later. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 9th, 2009
trackstar99	12:07a	new poem ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) Current Mood: calm Current Music: Phi Nhung & Manh Quynh : "Lam dau xu la" (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
____parkdale	11:07a	do you ever wake up and just feel better? like things are way more under control? because that's how I feel today. for the past couple weeks I've just felt down in the dumps. and not really about anything important...but, just about myself, I guess. like nothing I do will make me like myself. and I realize how pathetic that sounds, and maybe it is. I just hate that by saying that, I'm sure it comes off like I am walking around thinking "woe is me"...but, I am not. I'm just discontent with myself. and a year ago, it manifested itself in a physical sense. I was super annoyed with my appearance. and, I've gotten over that hump, somewhat. yeah, I still have days when I look in the mirror and all I see is Jabba the Hutt. but, those are few and far between. I just feel like I have nothing to offer. like, if I weren't me I wouldn't be friends with myself. how sick is that? ya know? and, on top of feeling that way...I feel even worse because I've let myself become that person. self loathing. and, I've always prided myself on having pretty decent self confidence. and, over time it's gotten worse. this nagging feeling. I know in order to change how I feel, I need to change how I think. I need to sort out what I don't like. and discern whether it's really a negative or am I just looking at it incorrectly. and have the balls to turn things around. and, today, I know that I will. seriously. I've tried before, but never seriously made an effort. but, I need to. because, I've realized, if you don't respect/enjoy yourself...nothing else matters. I like to think that I have a pretty decent life. I've got good friends. but, none of that matters...honestly...I'm still very much discontent, at the moment. so a change needs to happen. and it will, just watch. I'm turning over a new leaf! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 6th, 2009
____parkdale	12:18p	lets drive to the countryside, leave behind some green eyed look a likes michael jackson died. it's pretty sad. say what you will about him, as a person...he really was quite a magical force in music. I don't know anyone who doesn't know/like, at least, one song by him. it kills me the people who are like "I don't care about celebrity deaths..." I get that there is other pressing news the media could be focusing on. I agree that they tend to blow things out of proportion...but, what do you expect? it's the media. having sad that, it's pretty monumental when someone like MJ dies. it's news, it's a big deal. there are so many lives he's effected...so many people, regardless of whether they should, who look up to him. he's changed lives. and, okay, so you may not have been influenced by him...but, at least, have some sympathy for those who have. and besides all that, attention should be paid; a human/person died. it's definitely insensitive to say "who cares" when anyone dies...imho. the thing I hate when celebrities die...is all of the speculation. to me it's in poor taste. just let them rest...why dig up things that will only (or further, in MJ's case) tarnish the public's opinion of that person? everyone knows that Michael was not well. it's clear by how he choose to make himself look. do we really need more details of how distorted his mind was? no. I, personally, believe that he did molest those boys. but, at what point do you let things go? There should be some rule that when people die their lives should be celebrated not picked apart as people tend to do. I don't know. sometimes people make me sick...and I've been reminded of it recently with the tragic deaths of all the celebrities these past few weeks. they were people. they had families. I turned on the radio one morning, and they were playing the 911 recording of Billy May's wife. how fucking terrible is this country? morning entertainment equals listening to someone frantically trying to save their husband's life? I cried and quickly shut off the radio before I could even hear anything. incredibly disgusting, America. Igby has cherry eye. it's sad. he doesn't seem to notice, though. he just runs around, as usual, chewing up everything and barking his little heart out. he's precious. very annoying at times...and way too excited. but, overall he's been great to have around. I made an appointment for tomorrow and he'll probably have surgery to correct it. bought Fleet Foxes' album last week. I'm a tad bit late, but I LOOOOVE it. it's been a good while since I've fallen in love with an album. but, this one is perfect. as of now, my favorite song is "Blue Ridge Mountains". a friend at work suggested them. and I am glad. speaking of falling in love. I've fallen in love with a boy. He's a friends' boyfriend. and when I say "fallen in love"...I'm not talking romantically, or anything. I just think he's a fantastic person. just good natured and sweet. he's seems incredibly genuine. and that's really hard to come by. just someone who is who they are and isn't shoving bullshit down your throat. we went to karaoke, in Westport, a couple weeks ago...and he sang a song...and that is when it happened. I cried, as he sang. I know how ridiculous that sounds...but, it was really a perfect night. his gf, my friend, Erica, is so enamored with him...and him with her as well...it's refreshing. I love to be around couples who genuinely like eachother. that's rare too. a relationship held together by respect. they are fanatastic together. summer is roaring on by. I remember when summer seemed to last forever. those days are over...it's just another season passing by in another year of my life. kinda sad, I suppose. oh well. I'm going to DC this week. Kinda excited about it! Current Music: Fleet Foxes - Blue Ridge Mountains (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 5th, 2009
trackstar99	7:31p	now. ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) Current Mood: busy Current Music: Phi Nhung : "Lien Khuc Nhan Cuoi" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 3rd, 2009
babyblue_gurl31	2:55p	mkay... So, hello LJ. After such a long hiatus, I hope you're all doing well! I was reading my old posts, and cannot believe how much has changed with me. Everything is completely different. I don't even know where to start, that's how different things are. Most of the things that made me so miserable back then are pretty much all gone now. I've got different stress now :P But I do hope I'm not as whiny and emo as I was back then. So how is everyone? (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
trackstar99	11:27p	tortoise of doom is comin' to getcha! ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) Current Mood: silly Current Music: Laura Nyro : "Eli's Coming" (8 Comments |Comment on this)
babyblue_gurl31	2:07p	This still exists? Whoa. Is anyone still out there? (3 Comments |Comment on this)